Daddy Wars

Stay-at-home dad extraordinnaire, Rebel Dad, recently started a debate on washingtonpost.com regarding a possible beginning of the "Daddy Wars", i.e. men bashing other men for their parenting style or dedication, similar to the "Mommy Wars" that have been cited as a growing issue.

A slew of comments have been posted to Rebel Dad's idea. When I take a step back and consider my own experience, I'd have to say I can't think of a time I've ever witnessed or engaged daddy bashing, nor do I think it's something that will ever happen.

However, some comments point to the potential for a battle in the workplace between men who prioritize family and men who prioritize career. I think there is some validity here, but perhaps not spoken debate. Which leads me to where I think the battle actually takes place. I think the so-called "Daddy Wars" are internal.

Today's dads are showing a stronger attraction and obligation to family and home involvement than the fathers of the '50s, for sure. Reports are showing dads spending more time with their kids, more time contributing to the household routine, and it's not just a matter of going through the motions -- information points to dads being actively engaged and prioritizing these things over what are commonly assumed to be typical male priorities. A survey LEGO conducted shows only 15% of dads feel "at their best" in the workplace, while a maority felt they were the best they could be when they spend time playing with their children. Today's dad wants to juggle, and wants to do it well.

But...that doesn't mean there isn't a "Daddy War" taking place internally, between the head and the heart, making men question their commitments, priorities and role as working men and dads. Personally, I have struggled with balancing work and home, with reducing the amount of time I work at home after hours, with not just being at home, but actively engaging my kids in meaningful dialogue and activities that aren't just fun for them, but for me, too.

I once had a reader comment that she was so appreiciative for dad bloggers, because her husband isn't prone to discuss his questions or issues openly as it pertains to balancing work and fatherhood. But online, he can, on his own time, comfortably seek the information he wants and needs. So, I think the war is definitely on, but it's a private and personal war that today's dads fight. And for good cause: to be better dads, to be more involved and to be happier.