The Slippery Scheduling Slope
My oldest daughter is about to start first grade next week, and while we're thrilled to see her growing up and loving school, we're also worried about maintaining the right scheduling balance. Her kindergarten year was only a half day each day, and sometimes even that rendered her exhausted at the end of the day. She does her fair share of classes and activities outside of school as well -- ballet and gymnastics -- mixed in with play dates and tennis lessons.
As she gets older, her tastes are changing and we want to expose her to things she shows an interest in, but what we're now living is what I have read other parents saying about overscheduled children. We don't want to inundate her, but we also want her to try the things she wants to do.
Soon she'll be in school full-time, five days a week. She decided to stop ballet, but is starting soccer clinics in two weeks (and can't wait to wear the uniform!). She also is moving into advanced team gymnastics -- meeting twice a week -- because it seems to be what she's really passionate about and excelling in (and, stop the presses, Dad, she just got her new team leotard, which is a major event because it's SPARKLY red, white and blue). And she has requested horse riding lessons like her younger sister, but we're holding off on that.
How much is too much? Or do we underestimate what our kids can handle? She's having fun. She's learning. She's expressing herself. She's meeting new kids and loving every minute of it. And she still has time (granted not as much) for playing and coloring and reading. Is the overscheduled child really a problem if they're happy? Or, does the joy of participation in all the activities an easy way for us to justify the schedules and therefore drive more commitments?
posted by dadinprogress @ 9:55 PM
6 comments
6 Comments:
I have four kids and my rule is a maximum of 2 outside activities at a time. I take my cues from my kids and if they don't want to pursue or continue with something I don't make them. If I notice that one shows a particular interest in something like drawing I seek out and suggest classes or activities in this interest. I am a firm believer in not overscheduling the kids and giving them plenty of time for unstructured activities. This is how they learn and develop imaginations and creativity.
Also remember, it isn't always about the kids. Parents can get very burned out running their kids everywhere and quickly find they have no time for themselves or marriage. Kids want their parents to be happy not tired and stressed.
Hi,
sorry for my (I hope) not so poor english, but I'm french.
I totally agree with Polly : kids do not need overstressed parents (I learned it the hard way).
My rule of thumb is : I count the number of times I had to say "please hurry" to my little girl (7 years old) on the "off-school" activities. I don't permit my-self more than three a week. By doing that I try to keep the schedule well paced.
The number of para-school activities depend on that FIRST, even before what she wants (she wants to try everything).
Another thing: I (try to) keep a sharp eye to let her have "dream time" : time where she does what she wants to, even nothing.
I read somewhere a while back that one of the biggest issues with overscheduling kids is that they never get bored. Thus, they never figure out ways to a) be comfortable not doing something, and/or b) don't develop as intensely their imaginations on their own.
Man, remind me to kick you square in the pants the next time I see you. Your blog is great so I want to read and learn. But it's also scaring me about whether I'll choose the right things for my pending baby. So like everything else related to the new baby, it's a 2:1 ratio of fear to excitement.
OH, and that pic looks JUST like mom!
Jake
communityguy.com
I think that makes a lot of sense, Polly. My daughter definitely was showing signs of burn out on the ballet class -- she just sort of lost interest or motivation. And she recently was in a gymnastics summer camp for a week and the last day we dropped her off and they called for us to come get her because she just wasn't into it that day. I think part of the reason we sometimes feel compelled to "sign them up" is that we, on some level, might feel like they'll learn more from someone else than they will from us. Parenthood is full of joys, but can breed insecurities too, especially when both parents work full time like we do.
bradype, this really hits home for me, especially tonight. i rushed home from work (my wife was stuck in a meeting), rushed the girls out the door to eat out and then we had to run to the local toy shop and pick up a birthday present for a party they're going to tomorrow. And how many times did I tell them to hurry up while we were in the toy store because they were about to close? Wasn't counting, but probably 5 or 6. Plus one had to go to the bathroom while we were there (and THAT is a whole blog in an of istelf as my wife and I know every public restroom in north central Connecticut!) Sort of like putting a quarter in the cuss jar every time you slip, you're "hurry up" rule could be a good way to manage the tendency to transfer the stress onto the kids.
thanks Jake. not trying to freak anyone out, but parenting can be a little freaky sometimes. you just have to take every day one at a time, and embrace the fact that it's okay to both make it up as you go along (although you and your wife will need to be aligned if making it up or the kids will capitalize on the gap!) and okay to make mistakes -- we learn more from a misstep than we do from perfection. and your point about letting kids be bored is spot on. boredom breeds creativity, actually, because they're forced to make something up to keep themselves occupied. good stuff.
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