All We Do is Play

Is it me, or does it seem that dads sort of got the shaft in media coverage around Father's Day?

I've come across several stories where, despite the fact that it's a day to celebrate dads, we got bashed for not being as dedicated as mom, not as diligent about child chores like scheduling doctor appointments and the like.

Fredericksburg, Virginia parenting columnist Kim Baer's Father's Day story carried a subhead that said "You've come a long way, Dads. Happy Father's Day! But you still could improve."

Ms. Baer's story has me particularly vexed. Why? Apparently, Ms. Baer thinks that playing with children is not a valuable contribution to the parenting scheme.

She said:

"Dads spend most of their child-care time playing with their children. Moms still do much of the grunt work: scheduling doctor's visits, choosing preschools and arranging for baby sitters. Dads pick up the slack on the weekends, according to recent research. Fathers spend about six hours each weekend day on child care, about the same as moms, she said. But moms rule the roost during the week. Dads spend about 2 hours each weekday on child care, about a third of what moms do." She also said "Help your wife get the kids into the bath. Take over a household chore: Become the Designated Dishwasher or the King of All Laundry. Don't just play with those kids: Read to them or give them a hand with their history homework. Do some of the car-pooling. You'll do more than please your wife. The more time dads spend with their kids, the more attuned they are to their children's thoughts and feelings...Think about it. You could get the best Father's Day gift next year: a richer, more rewarding relationship with your children."

I'd argue a dad gains more insight to his child's thoughts and feelings by playing than by giving a bath. I'm not dismissing the need for dads to be involved in ALL aspects of parenting, but why is play so easily dubbed a "throw-away" contribution?

Time to play is a vital pillar of childhood. Play allows children to explore their thoughts, to role play their reality and fantasize about other worlds. And time for play is constantly under pressure from all sides. Families deprioritize free time and play time for overstuffed calendars of social gatherings, classes, errands, organized activities and sports. A recent study shows that children have less than one hour per day of free time, but they're spending up to 8 hours per day multi-tasking with electronic media.

Ms. Baer should be congratulating the dads who are spending time playing with their children, not chastizing them for what she seems to think is an empty exercise. There are lifelong lessons that can be learned through play, and children need more and better role models for carrying playfulness throughout their lives.