Being There

One of the biggest challenges to being a great dad is time. Between working full time, traveling, chores, yardwork, and general life tasks, finding room in the day for quality time with kids is tough.

I'm reading Tim Russert's new book, Wisdom of Our Fathers, a collection of the letters he received from sons and daughters across the country after he wrote of his relationship with his own father in Big Russ and Me. One section of the book, called "Being There," recounts stories of men and women who recall their fondest memory of dad being when he made time to be present for them. Russert opens the chapter saying:

"...Woody Allen once said that 80 percent of success is just showing up. With apologies to Woody, I would amend that statement to read 99 percent of parenting consists of just being there."

Reading the short stories in Russert's book makes me realize it's the smallest things we do as dads that make the biggest impact. Making time for kids is one of the most important, and often the hardest to do.

The U.S. Dad Market Report 2005 from Silver Stork Research reveals:

> There are about 66.3 million fathers in the U.S. today, average age 29
> 65% of dads report working more than 40 hours a week
> Almost half of dads wish they had more time to spend with their kids
> 72% would sacrifice pay or job opportunities to make more time for their kids

And the report suggests there is a "New Dad", presumably the generation of younger dads who were raised in the 70s and 80s when consumerism kicked into overdrive. Among this group, it's noted that:

> Fun and play are the cornerstone of much of the interaction between dads and kids
> More dads have special routine ‘Dad Times’ with kids (bath time, reading, etc.
> Time is the #1 priority for dads in that they nearly unanimously seek more time with their children and fathers today are taking more steps to balance career/work with family more actively
> Men are much more involved as Dad consumers than past generations

The picture above perfectly captures the pride and joy of my oldest daughter the night my wife, younger daughter and I made time to attend her school's open house. She waited for that night with desperate anticipation, dreaming of showing us the classroom, the zinnia seeds they planted that had started to sprout, the five caterpillars they had been watching move into chrysalises and soon to emerge as butterflies, the weather chart, the reading center, the art room, her tissue paper butterfly hanging in the window, the music room, her writing journal, her published book. She couldn't wait for us to have a glimpse of her world. And she was overwhelmed by it all when we were actually there, so much so, that she almost couldn't focus, couldn't take it all in.

While I was extremely busy at work, I left a little early that day and I'm glad I did. I will never forget the night my little girl reminded me of what it's like to be in kndergarten again.