Mr. Mom

Newsweek's recent "My Turn" column (reader-submitted essays about life) is called "It Takes a Real Man to Be a Good Mother," penned by Robert Wilder, whose mother died of cancer when he was young, leaving his father to work full time and raise their four children on his own.

Although his dad wore many hats around the house before the family change, Wilder suggests the very interesting idea that his father is "strong enough for a man but detailed like a woman." He continues, saying:

"He never worried about his masculinity...and was always happy to play any role we needed to make our lives seem less damaged...I've learned from watching my dad (and myself in his light) that defined gender roles have been cultivated mostly out of fear and blindness, not out of the kind of love I know a man can have for his children."

So I didn't feel like running to put on an apron after reading it, but I did really start to think about the best way to be a great role model to a child. Notice I didn't say great dad (or mom). Does it matter what symbol is on your public restroom door when you're parenting? To a child it doesn't: gender profiling is a foreign concept to a child (which is why my girls love to dress me up in their boas, jewels and makeup.) So what children want (and need) is a role model, not a dad who does "x" and a mom who does "y," or is that "y" and "x?" Notice Wilder says "and myself in his light" -- he has picked up his own way of being dad from his father's example. It goes back to the cliche: it's all in how you're raised.

So I fast forward to a time when my kids will articulate the kind of dad I was -- playful, supportive, quiet, creative, busy, handy -- and I wonder if I can be great enough to be called "strong enough for a man but detailed like a woman." Because for my girls, that's the best thing I could be -- selfless.

In a previous post I mention dads spending more time playing with kids on average per day, and I wonder if dads are spending more time doing other things that make him more "detailed" like a mom...something on which I will continue to dig for future posts.